Moving Past Past Hurts

Reconciliation began this summer between two men who's relationship was broken several years ago. I was both excited and humbled to be a part of bringing this friendship back together. As I thought about how to tell you about what happened I went looking for some images on google, something that I thought would represent what happened between these two men.

http://curtisamongfriends.yolasite.com/blog/reconciliation-in-wordle

Appropriately enough, the majority of the initial images had something to do with God, a cross, and/or the word 'forgiveness'. In this wordle, there are words such as grace, process, confession, towards, and understanding. This summer I was able to help two men begin the process of coming towards each other again in friendship. Confession, grace, and understanding were all apart of the process. God was, and will continue to be, a big part of these two men reconciling and restoring their friendship. The work of Christ is one of reconciling the world to him and it is something his church needs to be engaged in as well; we are reminded of it and commanded to do it in Matthew 5.
One of the challenges I faced in this process of reconciliation is that the process of confession and reconciliation have many cultural components. These two men are from very different cultures. How one would usually approach reconciliation was not at all like the way the other would anticipate the reconciliation process. Another big challenge was the fact that while I was pretty familiar with the culture of one man, I knew next to nothing of the other. I had my own learning to do before I could begin to help them. Three resources were key: a book called The Peacemaker by Ken Sande, two people (Stephen & Dolly), and prayer.
The Peacemaker is a great book for anyone to read. Whether you are hoping to reconcile a relationship or perhaps a friend has asked you to help, this is worth picking up. Stephen & Dolly are a couple from my church who were able to help me with my cultural ignorance! While not exactly from the same culture of which I was ignorant, they have a similar background. I am so grateful for their help and guidance, answering questions and giving insights.
During our time in Thailand (to attend a conference we have attended for several summers and where I have provided member care for the past 4 or 5 years) I met with each man a few times talking about their own expectations, hopes, wishes as well as the necessity of letting go of having everything their own way. This was not only a time to come together personally but also culturally. Let me tell you, in the best of times meeting-in-the-middle with someone from a different culture is not easy, never mind when there is past hurt. Of course we also met together and during that time grace abounded from each man for the other and from God over the whole thing. To let go of cultural expectations of each other, to strive to understand where each man was coming from, to believe the other desired the best for this relationship going forward was a blessing to watch.
This is one of the highlights of working in member care - coming alongside people as they seek to honour God in their work and in their relationships.
Stay tuned for some exciting developments in MK care as well as some of the letdowns in this work.