Count the Cost

I recently became certified to administer a premarital/marriage enrichment course. A significant portion of this course calls attention to 'families of origin' (the families that we were raised in) on the premise that when we marry someone we are also, to some extent, marrying their family. It also asks questions about education, income, spending habits, conflict resolutions styles, relationship styles etc. The point is to get the couple to be aware of all those areas that may be relevant to the marriage and to begin to talk about them. The less that catches us by surprise, because there will be stuff in our marriage relationships that do catch us by surprise, the better. This is similar to a count the cost occasion. Helping you to be aware of many of the variables which will effect your marriage.

When Jeff and I began the process of working overseas we had to do numerous testing inventories: mental, spiritual, psychological, relational. Churches had to provide letters of support. We were evaluated during a two week long orientation  course. The difficulty of this life was pointed out to us. In short, we had a fairly good idea of what we were getting ourselves into, much like our marriage. Again, we had the opportunity to count the cost of heading overseas.

In Luke 14: 25-33, Jesus tells his disciples to count the cost of following him. I knew, fairly well, the personal cost of choosing to live this life. Our orientation program, training, friends, and books made sure we knew there was a cost to what we would do. But there was something, as far as my memory can remember, we were not told about. And though it is in plain sight in this passage in Luke - my eyes were pretty shut to it. The cost of following him is not just personal. The expense is not paid just by me. It is paid by my children, by my parents, my siblings, my friends. I suppose it's like being told to foot the bill for an event you knew about but didn't get to attend.

During times of transition, especially where I'm getting ready to travel from Canada to China, the cost to others hits me square in the gut. My life choices cause: separation, sadness, missed milestones, birthdays that are often remembered a day late or a day early and too often are never celebrated in the same location two years in a row...for other people, regardless of if they like it or not. It's hard to take kids away from grandparents knowing that your oldest is currently 8.5 and, potentially, the next time we all come together again he will be almost 12. It's difficult to ask a good friend to remain a close friend despite the miles, the time difference, and the likely possibility of not seeing them for the next three years.

It's one thing to count the cost for yourself and find it acceptable, but it's a whole other thing to count the cost for someone else and tell them they have to accept it whether they like it or not!

So to my friends, my family, my kiddos, thank you for covering part of the cost rather than just walking away. I realise, with each passing season, how much I have asked of you and am grateful that you continue to cover part of the cost of this adventure.